Make yourself at home.

I felt ready to settle down for a minute... but I really don't think I am.

I left Australia early, and if it wasn't for flight cancellations and All Shall Perish, I might think I made the wrong decision. ("Why did you leave early, Cristina?" I left early because I don't always win the fight against my crazies.)

December 24th in the airport in Adelaide, I sit on the floor with my Duty Free purchases, iPod and book making a mental note of the gang of dudes who look maybe like they could be DJs (that is, bearded and wearing Deez Nuts gear). So the flight to Auckland is delayed. And then delayed again. And then cancelled. Air New Zealand greets us at the end of a long and nearly motionless line of disgruntled customers, directs us to a bus which takes us to the Hyatt where we stay for free and are granted a free room service dinner and drink tickets. Suddenly my crazies fade and I notice from the inside of room 1314 that I'm in Australia. In a really freakin' nice hotel. For free.

Maybe this is a sign that I need to be alone sometimes. Within minutes I have removed my jeans and t-shirt in favour of the dress I bought when I was wondering how to dress appropriately for a family I don't know too well's Christmas festivities. I'm trying unsuccessfully to call Air New Zealand to make sure my transfers were taken care of and then jumping on the bed and turning down drinking with the band (on the way out of the airport as we were made to re-collect baggage I spotted their gear). Eventually I give up on calling Air New Zealand. Mom's checked and it sounds okay anyway. Jett is tied up for most of the day, so I hit the town scouting for Christmas gifts. No luck, but still, I hadn't hit the town alone before then and it was different. Plus I was in the good dress. Upon my return to the hotel I order room service (the most expensive dinner on the menu), change into a bathrobe and eat and sleep and eat. Read. Watch Brazil. Take a few calls from Jett, stand in the window waving at him 30 km away and am so ludicrously happy. When he finally comes over, even though the show we go to see is apparently not happening, we have an amazing night. Even though the casino is closed, we have so much fun. At least I do. He gives me a fake tour around the convention center. I climb on and into sculptures. We eat what the Jersey girl in me wants to call water ice. For the first time in a while, he doesn't seem to be even remotely distracted or controlled by his phone or computer; we just have fun and it feels so perfect. On a day I imagined I'd spend on an airplane flying away from Adelaide, Adelaide and I have the most beautiful time I never dreamed of.

When we woke up, it was Christmas. Actually, it was Christmas when we went to sleep. Goodbyes are on North Terrace, where it's cold for summer, still dark and 5 in the morning. As I walk onto the bus - I'm not even kidding - "I Aint Missing You" by John Waite is playing. My stomach is angry on the airplane and I am stuck in the window seat behind a man who sleeps with his legs wide apart, his tray table down and his hands clasped on top of it. Fuck.

But I get into Auckland with four or five hours until the flight to San Francisco. I run into the band again and we're given free vouchers to the VIP lounge. I spend what feels like most of Christmas day in the emptiest part of the VIP lounge with the guys who I discover are actually a death metal band called All Shall Perish (who were on tour with the Red Shore if anyone heard about the awful accident that resulted in the death of the driver/merch guy and singer). We take advantage of the free things, mildly inappropriate discussions occur, messes are made, the paying VIPs look a little perturbed and it's a little funny. And it turns out we're all seated in the same row on the plane to SFO. WTF, right?

So this is what we do. This is how it goes. Sometimes the simplest things that come from nowhere, the ones I expect the least that just creep up and happen, that I couldn't have forced into existence, make my life amazing. And here I am realising that I don't really know myself so well these days. I'm not always sure what I want, what goals to work backwards from. But every time I figure out something I want, it's amazing. And every time something else happens on the way there, it's incredible. I'm putting up trellises and waiting for vines now. Whatever is supposed to happen will always happen.

...on a quiet stretch of I-5...

Last night at the school holiday party I saw two of my former teachers' panties because they flipped up their skirts on stage. Both said "bad girl". Entirely unrelated to seeing teacher panties, I am moving back north. The time has come, friends, and I am beyond stoked. That's the official word. Don't ready the guest bed unless you need a new roommate.

Also, I'm fixated on Fugazi's The Argument lately. Somehow I didn't ever look into it when I was first introduced to Fugazi the year after that record came out, and then "Full Disclosure" came on last.fm and afterwards there wasn't one other song I could listen to without being frustrated. So I bought the record and it is beyond rad.

I'd just like to take a minute to reiterate that Ted Leo is the man, even when he's just tying his shoe.

I wear my hair fizzy.

I saw/hung out with Shook Ones and Easel last night in Anaheim, and thank goodness. I can't begin to tell you how much fun I had. Typically when I've been out lately, somewhere around midnight I start wanting to just go to bed, but this time after parting ways at 1am I found myself in a textplosion kind of wishing I was still out, changing names in my phone to things like "Bird Nest Hair" instead. Clearly I need to spend more time at hardcore shows and maybe join Team Samba.

So, the rest of '07 is shaping up to be amazing, I think. I'm filling it with good times, good people and just doing good in general. I'm excited again!

It’s too late now, so don’t break the rhythm

Did everyone already see the brilliant new TL/RX video? Holy gracious, it's wonderful. And the temporary bassist/former tour manager with the wine bottle whom I loved is in it! Bonus!

I've taken up kickboxing (okay, not really kickboxing, just the moves. I don't intend to fight). My gosh if you ever wanted to feel desperately out of shape, starting with this is definitely a good way to do it. It should feel pretty amazing in a few weeks or months, though, and I'm looking forward to that. But for now, it hurts! ("What do we love?"..."PAIN!")

Last night I was introduced to Blackadder via YouTube. Now I'm kinda hooked.

No one's keeping you captive in the town that let you down...

The best things in life are free. The best things in Los Angeles are 99 cents... like this hat:


I was talking to Jett about holidays and wondering why new year's eve is such a big deal to me. I may have finally sorted out that all it is is a night. It's just a night like any other night. You can "start over" and dream of the great unknown whenever you want. And it seems scarier or tougher or something to do it when it isn't the 1st of something and you aren't in a different geographical place, but it's certainly possible. Last week's crappy locked-out debacle which ended in finding a "3 DAY NOTICE TO PAY RENT OR QUIT" taped to my door (management didn't receive my check somehow) was the turn for me. I'm switching back to the voice program (sorry, Jack), I'm reading and writing more, spending more time with my camera, joining a gym, actually unpacking my boxes and organizing my apartment, getting out and playing shows again...

So I guess all I mean is that my foray into the non-posi is coming to a close. No, I'm certain of it 'cause the MySpace cosmos sent the first words I've heard from Sir Olmstead of the Knights of Posi, and that's obvious reinforcement. I guess he's been out on tour with Shook Ones, so I guess I'll be out seeing them next week in Anaheim. Yeah!

You've got to be kidding me.

This day just keeps getting better and better.

[/sarcasm]

[there's a Paxil Rose joke to be made here]

Now on my list of dumbest things I've ever done: Locking my keys in my apartment while carrying only a cell phone with one bar left of battery. Not just any apartment, no - I've done that before and been able to do the credit card trick. But this apartment? Where I currently live? Impossible. That and my locks seem to be made of Satan. On the upside, at least so long as I lock my doors, I'll never need to worry about people breaking in. On the downside, I locked myself out approximately 14 hours ago. I already had my bitchfest of details once to Jett and will likely do a repeat performance when I talk to my mom later, so I'll spare you. I will tell you, though, that parting with $242.71 has never been so. infuriatingly. stupid. ...And as soon as the locksmith leaves, I get to sweep the pieces and dust of door and doorknob. And my broom is still in storage.

I consider this all a sign.

...But thank goodness for friends who let me sleep on their couch and color in their coloring books.

But if you hold on to what you've got...

I'm certain instant coffee isn't the right thing for me to be drinking right now. Rebel, rebel.

Oh, Ted Leo. If I could watch him be amazing every day, I would not hesitate to do so. Since the El Rey won't let in cameras with removable lenses, I took it upon myself to make a couple of videos. Which, sadly, meant not dancing and screaming along for three songs. But still. You can view them here and here. I can't quite explain it and it sounds so cheesy, but it's so liberating to be at his shows. All the dancing and words my body couldn't string together on its own and it's the most hope I've ever had. And for goodness sake, if it doesn't make you feel whole-heartedly happy to watch the man bounce around with his springy cable and 335 and little boots, you may have a physical condition that they can prescribe something for.

Also extraordinarily liberating? I'm learning this Noisettes song, "Sister Rosetta." If you put all of yourself into singing it, it feels incredible. Seriously, just go find it somewhere, even just on youtube and google the lyrics. Listen once. Sing along the second time. It's major super fun. Especially if you also dance with it and don't scream so hard you hurt yourself.

This week, the truth that was stressing me out regarding school (that truth being that my heart is in singing/writing and not really engineering or production) turned into strength. I'm sure this is very telling of where I am in my youth, but it's amazing how accepting what few facts I can find (or, more often, are pointed out to me by the best people in my life) in myself just makes me feel so much more sturdy and steady.

Wack slacks.

Today I found a used copy of Hype! at Amoeba for $49.99 and laughed.

I saw life turn into a tv show.

Lately I haven't got the attention span to listen to most songs in their entirety. But I do have a new pair of headphones to listen to them through, the nicest I've ever had. I have a lot of things that I probably don't deserve yet, and I think AKG k240s go on that list. Sometimes I wonder if my life isn't an experiment to see how long one can get away with having more good things than one deserves before it all goes pearshaped, and sometimes I think the answer is approximately three days. It doesn't mean I'm not grateful.

And in all honesty, it's probably the attention span thing.

...But this is a long sentence:

I wonder if it means anything that the other day I electrocuted myself pretty frighteningly when my finger slipped as I was unplugging the shady garbage disposal that is one of the best things about my kitchen, thought of the episode of Sex and the City where Miranda chokes on Chinese food and freaks out about dying alone and then today when I got off the phone with my mom after talking about how I much I want to be able to spend time with the people I love and how alone isn't so cool and exciting the way it used to be, I found that episode of Sex and the City just happened to be on.